The Daily Standup: Midwit's Favorite

Daily standups aren't meetings - they're corporate roll call, fifteen minutes of psychic castration where engineers are torn from deep work to recite what Jira already knows. The Zoom screen flickers like a telescreen, ensuring broken spirits never whisper of escape. This is the midwit religion: a cult of the average, by midwits, for midwits, where excellence is heresy and obedience is prayer.

Scrum was never agile. It's a fluorescent hellscape of Post-its conjured by managers too witless to code but too cunning to die. They branded it "process" to swindle executives into worshipping sprints and burndown charts. Agile promised liberation but birthed a gulag - exalting the mundane, burying the exceptional under bureaucratic sludge. A con for those who jerk off to Jira tickets and confuse servitude with success.

Standups aren't about progress - they're domination theater.